Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
