this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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