i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
