i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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