So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
