dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
