Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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