Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
