Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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