i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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