What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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