she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
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I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
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I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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