if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
