Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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