I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
