Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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