New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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