I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Are my feet made of real feet?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
