Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
