the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
