I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
