my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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