i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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