if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
