I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
