mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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