the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
