I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
3pm strippers are depressing
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
