i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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