I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
