I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The best revenge is premature balding
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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