You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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