how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
