i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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