You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
