my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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