She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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