it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
