I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
