Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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