so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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