Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
