i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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