Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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