I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
