Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
