I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize