I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
