i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
