wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
