Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
too bad you live with your parents still
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
