woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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