Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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