The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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