coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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