whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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