You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
