He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
