I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
