Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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