Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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