Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
