so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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