Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
