Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
