I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
