I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
