I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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