Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
