Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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