Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
