i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
