Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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