apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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