I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
