After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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