And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
