Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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