One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
